Meet The Author: Tom Oberdorfer, “Winners Lose, Too”
Losing’s Life Lessons Explored in New Book
Growing up, Tom Oberdorfer couldn’t wait for the school day to end, so he could play whatever sport he was doing at that time of the year.
He played everything he could think of, starting with the Big Three, as he called them.
Football, basketball and baseball set the stage for stints in tennis, wrestling, lacrosse and squash.
Today, at 70, he swims a lot and dabbles in pickleball.
Along the way, he learned a hugely valuable lesson that helps every athlete in sports and in life: losing is a part of the game.
No one wins every point or gets a hit each time up; the quarterback throws interceptions from time to time; and no one shoots 100 percent in basketball.
“As long as I play as well as I can and I lose,’’ Oberdorfer said, “I’m fine with a loss.
“If I didn’t play well, then that’s not OK.’’
Just participating does not help an athlete deal with losing moments, he said.
The same thing exists in life.
“You have to learn from losing,’’ said Oberdorfer. “And you have to be able to transfer that from sports to life.’’
Oberdorfer’s new book, called Winners Lose, Too examines the harsh lessons every athlete experiences and how those lessons relate to real life.
His inspiration for the book that dissects losing came from the NFC Championship game in 2019, when the New Orleans Saints lost out on a berth in the Super Bowl when a Rams defensive back committed a blatant pass interference penalty on what looked like the game-winning drive.
The whole world saw the play on national TV.
Instead, the Rams won that game and got the Saints’ berth in the championship game (and eventually lost to the New England Patriots, 13-3).
“That was such a horrible non-call by the refs,’’ Oberdorfer said, echoing the feeling of most non-Rams fans. “The whole world saw it.
“I have no idea how a team like the Saints gets past that moment the following season after being robbed like that.’’
The retired therapist, writer, and coach, who acknowledges he’s used to losing as a fan of the Washington Commodores, used the book project to explore the realm of losing and how a person benefits from it.
Oberdorfer interviewed more than 20 high-profile athletes, as well as one premier cellist, about handling the ups and inevitable downs they face every day.
He said that most of his subjects were easy to question on winning and losing.
The few others were harder to delve into.
“They just wouldn’t let me in,’’ Oberdorfer said. “Most of my people stepped up to the plate and volunteered their two cents.
“People have to understand how athletes like Nick Lowery, an NFL place-kicker, can hit 25 straight field goals, miss one, and then walk into a 7/11 and get blasted by people for the one miss.
“Make no mistake, almost every athlete I spoke with hates to lose.’’
Oberdorfer interviewed a tennis player from Serbia who would hit balls in between bombings just to try to remain sharp. He spoke with two Olympic rowers who drove themselves to exhaustion in training sessions to avoid a single loss.
“There wasn’t a lot of joy in their voices, even when talking about winning,’’ Oberdorfer said. “A loss was always a bad thing.’’
Even the cellist, the wife of one of his athlete interviewees, had a lesson to share on the subject.
“She’s always competing for better roles in the orchestra,’’ Oberdorfer said. “So making a mistake can be just as harsh (for her).
“When she travels to a performance, the cello has its own seat, showing just how important it is for her to play her best.’’
From his early days as an athlete and later as a coach, the Falls Church, Virginia, resident came to understand the lessons derived from losing, even as someone who never reached the limelight or ever lost while the whole world was watching.
Winners Lose, Too took a little more than three years to complete, written mostly during the COVID-19 outbreak in 2020-21, when there was nothing else to do.
“I had no idea how it would turn out,” Oberdorfer said, “especially since it involved dealing with high-profile athletes who never talk about losing.’’
Oberdorfer said there was just one athlete he interviewed who intimidated him.
Max Scherzer, who now pitches for the New York Mets, is about as intense a player as there is.
“He intimidated me from the outset,’’ admitted Oberdorfer. “Scherzer got in my head.’’
Oberdorfer previously wrote a children’s book called OMG The Big Bad Wolf Can’t Find the Three Little Pigs, a story of what happens when things don't go as planned.
For now, he has no plans for a third book, but he left the door open, saying if a subject came up that he had a passion for, he would do it again.
